that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
