something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
