One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
