True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
