finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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