I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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