I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
