do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
