i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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