I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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