Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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