..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
