Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
