How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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