Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
