so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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