i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
