Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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