Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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