Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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