i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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