Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
