i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
