Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
