Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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