I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
