I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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