If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
