Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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