This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
