O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
