Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
