Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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