Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
