it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize