If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's never too late to be topless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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