i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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