He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I intend to get homeless drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
