it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
