Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
