Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
