He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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