smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How does one acquire holy water?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
