You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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