You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
