Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
