My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
