I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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