I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
