First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
