so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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