Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
