Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
