Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
