Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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