I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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