he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
