i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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