please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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