Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize